Incentives!

Who knew Polly Pockets would yield so much power!! Since moving here to Oregon, Abigail has regressed with being potty trained. It has been so frustrating at times...feeling like nothing was working and like she just had no desire to change.

The Lord, however, knew all along that this would happen and prepared me for this battle months ago during our time in Charleston. Across the street from Joel's parents house was a young woman taking care of her best friend's daughter. She was a 3 year old little girl. We only saw her one time during her stay there. It was around Halloween and they were outside decorating their house.

Then one night, Joel went out running and when he came home, there was an ambulance at the house as well as a police car. They were loading the little girl into the ambulance. Joel went over to ask if there was anything we could do to help them out. He came back saying the woman's whole body was just trembling...she said the little girl had fallen out off a chair and hurt her head.

As the week went on, detectives came to question neighbors, asking if we had seen or heard anything. We told them that sadly, we didn't even know a little girl was living there. The people had only moved in two or three weeks previously.

Daily we would watch the news or read the paper, hoping to understand the story. Sadly, we learned that the little girl had not fallen as the woman had said. Instead, she had peed her pants on the carpet and the two women taking care of her had responded in anger and ended up beating the little girl to death. Truly a very sobering and sad story. (You can just see the regret on the woman's face.)

I learned two things during that time...

1. Not to punish our children for things that are accidents.
   
2. To obey the Holy Spirit.

On more than one occasion I thought, "I should take them over some muffins or cookies to welcome them to the neighborhood." But I didn't. I felt funny since I had only moved there two weeks before them. How can the "newcomers" welcome the "newcomers"?

I know that going over there may not have changed the outcome of the situation, but who knows what might have been happening at those moments when the Holy Spirit was prompting me to be hospitable and gracious. What might have changed knowing that another young woman was across the street, caring for another little preschool girl with the same struggles.

In these four months with Abigail having accident after accident I have gotten frustrated, yelled and been angry. I have also been compassionate and gracious and tried to understand what has happened in her heart to make her regress so. Our sweet little girl's world was turned upside down twice in 6 months!! "Twice" is only counting the times we moved...there was plenty of travel and uncertainty happening in the midst of those months as well.

It threw me off guard because I expected something like that during the transition time. I didn't expect it AT ALL once we got into our own home, unpacked our things, moved into our own bedrooms and beds and settled in.

The Lord has reminded me of that little girl and that tragic story many times. How many times am I upset over something that is an "accident". Usually it's upsetting to me because it inconveniences me. Not because it is something wrong or sinful. Just a matter of annoyance or inconvenience....oh my. How petty it seems to see the words typed out. How selfish and inconsiderate.

Yes, there is some relevance to my feelings...some value...but in the big scheme of things...really?? I am so grateful that the Lord saw ahead of me the road I would be walking with Abigail and taught me a very personal and valuable lesson to give me perspective as I make my & Abigail's way through it.

So...all that to say! That I think we are on the upswing!! After trying M&M's again, sticker charts, lots and lots of praise, timers, taking away privileges, buying new underwear...etc. Polly Pockets have won out!!

WinCo had a couple things on their clearance shelf so I snatched them up one day to just try one more thing! Every half day she goes without an accident she gets to pick one thing, either a doll or an accessory out of the bag to add to her little collection. So far, she's scooped up three new dolls to add to the few she's found at garage sales. Now she needs to accessorize!! I'm going to have to pick up a few more things sometime soon, she's doing so well!! They really do motivate her little heart a lot more than candy or stickers!

She also won a special lunch date with "Polly" Carl, (the church secretary) who called me on THE WORST day. Abigail had peed her pants on purpose for the first time. Tired of being told when to sit on the toilet, she bypassed the bathroom and went to her room instead. I found her two minutes later and she'd peed her pants. She meant to hurt me and hurt me it did!

Polly ended up calling sometime after that while I spilled it all in tears. With her servant's heart, she said, "what can I do? How can I help?" Later she texted Joel suggesting a lunch date with her as incentive. It worked and on Tuesday, Abigail went to the Trufflehunter for lunch with Polly! She is moving onto her third day now of being accident free and at this point it really feels self motivated instead of mommy motivated or coerced! : ) So thanks to Polly & Polly! : )